Friday, May 25, 2007

First Love

I once loved a boy named Matt.

There was something there from the moment we met.

But we were different. I was afraid. Circumstances weren’t right. People got in the way.

Our paths diverged. Thought I was over him, but mannerisms and people and places would remind, and I would wonder how things might have been. No other guy has really been as interesting. As charming. As engaging. But how could they? Who can compare to an idealized version of the past? Was it even real? I’ve been so silly.

Watched The Notebook tonight. Poor Allie. Poor Noah. All the misery in their lives stemmed from their not being able to let go.

I once loved a boy named Matt. Or did I? Did I just fall in love with the idea of love? With the idea of a perfect man? I don't know. It doesn't matter. Am glad to have seen this movie. It’s shown that I still haven’t been able to let go of the past. I cried a lot tonight, but I’m finally ready. I’m finally ready.

Goodbye, Matt. I wish you and your loved ones the very best. May you be happy and find all that you wish for.

Goodbye, silly memories. You kept me company for many years. Thank you, but I shan’t be revisiting you anymore.

How many more kinds of these silly memories do I carry? How many other people are out there are stuck revisiting useless, idealized thoughts? My poor wandering friends. Just let go – they are not who you are. Join me – cast away the extra weight that you don’t need.

My fellow wanderers, may we always find a way to see these self-imposed bonds, and when this happens, may we find the courage and wisdom to choose to let them go.

Namaste.

photo credit

2 Comments:

Blogger Tara said...

i know exactly how you feel.

11:40 PM  
Blogger daedalus2u said...

You should read the Velveteen Rabbit

http://digital.library.upenn.edu/women/williams/rabbit/rabbit.html

It is about how loving someone, and being loved back makes you "real", and how it lasts for "always".

I still remember the moment I realized I was in love. It was like being hit by a 2x4. All of a sudden, all of the inane sappy love songs on the radio made absolute complete perfect sense to me. She broke it off some months later. I would have done anything to keep from breaking up, but doing anything wasn't going to work.

I talked with her maybe 15 years later. She had changed, she wasn't the same person I was still in love with.

Being in love with someone isn't only about them, it is about you, it shows that you have the capacity to be in love.

And it does last for always.

4:48 PM  

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